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Fri Feb 8
theonion:

Congressional High Priest Concocts Farm Subsidy Bill In Legislative Cauldron: Full Story


This is the best thing I’ve seen today.

Rothkarin, the 27th incarnation of the Congressional High Priest, is a longtime fiscal conservative said to hail from the mystical dark woodlands of Bethesda, MD. He is perhaps best known for using the ground-up skulls of 100 slaughtered constituents to form the Homeowners’ Insurance Availability Act of 2003.
Sources confirmed that at the outset of the ritual, Rothkarin donned a necklace made from the desiccated severed fingers of former House minority whips and sprinkled the grounds of the cavernous, carved-limestone chamber with the remains of killed legislation from the 112th Congress.
The 143-year-old member of the cryptic Fhae’oqul Order then reportedly watched as freshman senators performed the mournful Dance of Death for Tobacco Subsidies, their bodies contorting to a primal beating of drums as they were showered in the entrails of the lawmakers whose seats they won in the 2012 election.

theonion:

Congressional High Priest Concocts Farm Subsidy Bill In Legislative Cauldron: Full Story

This is the best thing I’ve seen today.

Rothkarin, the 27th incarnation of the Congressional High Priest, is a longtime fiscal conservative said to hail from the mystical dark woodlands of Bethesda, MD. He is perhaps best known for using the ground-up skulls of 100 slaughtered constituents to form the Homeowners’ Insurance Availability Act of 2003.

Sources confirmed that at the outset of the ritual, Rothkarin donned a necklace made from the desiccated severed fingers of former House minority whips and sprinkled the grounds of the cavernous, carved-limestone chamber with the remains of killed legislation from the 112th Congress.

The 143-year-old member of the cryptic Fhae’oqul Order then reportedly watched as freshman senators performed the mournful Dance of Death for Tobacco Subsidies, their bodies contorting to a primal beating of drums as they were showered in the entrails of the lawmakers whose seats they won in the 2012 election.

(via circular-referencez)