jthurteau asked: What's your coming out story? (if you feel like sharing)
I came out in stages over a few years. In August of 2004 I was 21, and I remember watching the Summer Olympics diving competition and instant messaging with my best friend Matthew. While talking about the divers and swimmers we both started eluding to some of the men being attractive. There was a bit a verbal back and forth, but it didn’t take long for a mutual confession to come out of both of us. That was the first time I came out to someone I actually knew in real life. As soon as the cat was out of the bag I started to tell my college friends and roommates for the upcoming year. This phase of coming out went really well as I had only positive reactions. I ended up coming out openly to most people I knew from school and some professors when I returned to Chicago for my last year of college.
I did not come out to any of my Indiana friends until after I had graduated from college and was unable to procure a job in Chicago, thus forcing me back to Indiana in December 2005. I started to tell my fairly conservative and religious group of friends about my sexuality not long after returning to Indiana. Reactions were tepid at best, and while I didn’t lose any friends immediately I became aware of a shift in attitude whenever I was around many of them and the general drift away from most of my Indiana friends started at that time. This was definitely one of the worst years of my life. I had been forced back to Indiana, at first couldn’t find a job despite having a supposedly prestigious degree, then ended up with a job I loathed after six months of searching, I was isolated and losing friends, and I was effectively back in the closet as I was living with my family around whom I was a complete closet case.
Things turned around in 2007 when I found a job in Chicago and moved back to my beloved City of Broad Shoulders. After a few months in the city and finding my own place, I ended up coming out to my parents and younger brother. I never felt I could come out to my family as long as I was dependent on them, but once I was effectively independent that last barrier fell. My father took the news well, though I don’t think he was surprised, and thus was almost immediately ambivalent if not supportive. My mother did not take the revelation well, and I remember her asking if I had ever done anything sexual with a man, and at the time I could honestly answer that I had not, and her response to that kind of broke my heart, “Oh honey, I’m so happy you’re so strong to resist temptation.” She still generally refuses to acknowledge my sexuality and becomes uncomfortable when it is discussed as it does not mesh with her religious vision of the world. Oddly enough I ended up becoming a lot closer with my dad, as he came to my defense right from the beginning. My brother simply didn’t care about sexuality and treated my coming out as a non-issue, which is fitting for his personality.
I’ve never officially come out to anyone else in the family, but they’ve all figured it out. It is just generally not a topic of discussion. I have yet to take a man home to meet my family, so I think they’re all content to ignore it. I think most in my family still holds onto an asexual vision of me, as I’ve never really had any significant others to speak of in my life, and they’re used to seeing me alone at this point. I hope one day to have a relationship with a man whom I’d like to introduce to my family. This will likely dredge up a lot of buried discomfort, but until then I suppose my coming out story is on hiatus with the family.
As for coworkers and others, I’m effectively out everywhere now. I don’t bring up my personal life at work, but I’ve inferred quite a bit, and if any of them have seen me browsing the internet (which they all have, as my office is completely open) they can see all the half naked men, art, and rainbows. As for everyone else, you can see how open I am on my tumblr, and in the physical sphere of the general public I’m only as out as my mannerisms and way of speaking, haha.
