I was born blown minded with an eye on oblivion
AIM = SomaCherub
Anonymous asked: What do you regret most leaving Chicago?
Regret has never been a helpful emotion for me to dwell upon, but not being here to see two of my best friends get married or to see the baby of two of my other best friends grow older breaks my heart. I will miss sharing experience with people I’ve come to know, love, and consider my family of choice. Life will continue, and I will continue to love the people I’ve known despite the separation, but I know I will struggle with homesickness for friends.
On a personal psychological level I must say regret never having never participated in romantic love in all my years in the city. This is a double edged sword, in that I do not think I would be following my sense of adventure if I were happily partnered. I am finally embracing the freedom of being single rather than feeling broken, but a nagging inner voice wishes I possessed some kind of romantic experience in my memories to help dispel the illusions from my received cultural context which my concepts of relationships are built upon before trying to navigate sexual relationships in a subjectively novel culture. It’s a vulnerability that makes me nervous considering how Western notions regarding homosexuality are not shared widely in Korean society from what I’ve read. Anymore I can find sexual partners easily enough, but I’ve still never been part of a sexual relationship of mutual affection. I have no memories of the mingled sensations of bodily lust and soulful affection to navigate and act as outlines or guides in an alien context. I should trust my intuition and stop relying on guidelines which have never worked in creating virgin experiences, but I suppose I want the illusion of support and control such memories could provide.
My phone says it is 3 degrees Fahrenheit in Chicago right now (-16 degrees Celsius). The windchill is -12F (-24C). No. This is barely acceptable at the end of January, but in December it’s just wrong.
At least in Seoul the low is only 23F for tomorrow…
Maybe I should have picked somewhere warmer to teach, haha.